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Union City News Reel

Victoria Horsley

January 29, 2014

Emotional abuse is abuse. Often, a person who is being emotionally abused doesn’t realize that they are being abused because they are not hit or kicked physically and show no outward bruising or marks. Outward bruising and marks heal but the emotional pain they cause does not. Even if physical abuse is not a part of the abuse, the thinking process, self-esteem, and ability to live their life is deeply affected.


Most abuse stems from the abusers own feelings of inadequacies. They themselves have been abused physically, emotionally or both. They feel that have no control of their own lives, and blame their spouse, children, anyone but themselves. Often times they are alcoholics or addicted to another form of drugs so they are compelled to control their spouse, children or adult parent’s lives. They need to feel superior in every way. They elude themselves by convincing themselves and the person they are abusing that they are smarter, better looking, have a better job or that they need to control the finances because the abused person isn’t capable of doing it. They say or do whatever it takes to keep the abused person down, and under their control mentally and sometimes physically.


Often times, initially the abuser starts to influence his victim by convincing them that he is the only one who really loves them and that he has their best interest at heart. He points out that their family members and friends don’t really care about them. He does whatever is necessary to keep them away from the person being controlled. Family members and friends can usually see through his lies and he fears they will convince them and he will lose his control.


Aggressive abuse is used to confuse the victim. The abuser may even appear to be helping the victim. Advising or offering solutions, even encouraging them to reach out, continue their education, change jobs. However, they make it impossible for the abused to succeed. Once again the abuser can point out their failures, and making them more dependent and more withdrawn. They are used to demean, belittle and control them further. They make the abused person feel guilty that they may have had a negative thought about the abuser, because he does some good things and seems like a good person to others.


The abuser denies any idea, viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.


Withholding which includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, (even answer to acknowledge the abused person even spoke to them), and emotional withdrawing as punishment. They refuse to look at the person they are abusing, and will not show love or affection. Making the person feel not worthy or deserving of love and affection.


Once the abuser accomplishes this mind and emotional control it is extremely hard for the abused to break away. They often believe that they won’t ever be loved, that no one will find them intelligent or attractive. They are often unable to leave because they have no control over their finances or have low paying jobs that will not allow them to provide for themselves and or the children.


Admitting that you are being abused is difficult. The person being abused may feel shame, and don’t realize until leaving the situation that it is not their shame, but the shame of the person who is the abuser. Seek help and counseling. You will need a good support system. Support can come from family, friends and others who have been abused and have succeeded in regaining control for themselves. It will be difficult, but once you admit it that you are being abused you will have to do something about it. Sometimes it is hardest to leave for yourself, but if you have children, they are your motivation. Remember you are important too and that you deserve to be treated with respect.


If you or someone you know is being abused in any way please, talk to a friend, family member, pastor or health professional for guidance.


Quotes:


“Mind control is built in lies and manipulation of attachment needs. Valerie Sinason, from the Forward of the book” ― Alison Miller, Healing the Unimaginable: Treating Ritual Abuse and Mind Control


“With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until he or she is incapable of judging a situation realistically. He or she may begin to believe that there is something wrong with them or even fear they are losing their mind. They have become so beaten down emotionally that they blame themselves for the abuse.” ― Beverly Engel, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop BeingHYPERLINK “http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/124931”


Events:


Friday: 7:30 a.m. The Union City Jr. high school honor roll students and parents will be honored with a special breakfast.


Free meals, every Wednesday–11 to 12:30 p.m. EUM Church on 177 Franklin Street, Union City, Ohio. Everyone is welcome. For further information call Dave Smith at 765-964-6855.


Feb. 6: Whitewater Artist Guild, Art Association of Randolph Co.-Art Depot. Opening Feb. 6, 7 to 9 p.m., Show runs through Feb. 28.


Feb. 7: Preservations Society First Friday –Community Room 5:15


Feb. 22: Union City Elks will be holding their Annual Cancer Benefit Dance with the theme of “Leather and Lace.” Dinner and dance tickets are $20 or $15 at the door for the dance. All tickets include the live and silent Auctions. The local band “GROVE HILL” will present the entertainment. Tickets can be purchased from any committee member or by calling the Elks lodge at 765-964-5100.


Victoria Horsley is a volunteer citizen columnist who serves Daily Advocate readers weekly with her community column Union City News Reel. She can be contacted with local events, news, birthdays or anniversaries at memawthree@woh.rr.com or by calling 937-467-3945. Viewpoints expressed in these opinion pieces are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.