Regan Miller

Guest Columnist

There are four things in this world that I despise with every fiber of my being. That is, politics, politicians, being political, and politicians talking about political politics. Whenever the boomers start talking about this new policy, or watch C-SPAN, or point out things in the newspaper, or discuss presidential candidates, I barf in my mouth and jump out a window.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was the mayor. Actually, maybe a senator. Nah, I would rather be a governor. A president even. A Monarch! I would have final say in all matters. If I didn’t like what you said, “OFF WITH HIS/HER HEAD!” People would live in happiness and content and not in fear like the days of the French Revolution. Only problem is that I would say “SHUT UP” way too much.

Then again, isn’t that what politicians do? I can’t wait until I am old enough to vote. I won’t actually vote. I’ll just blame the person in charge for all my problems. Or maybe I’ll do one better and move to Europe and still blame the president of the United States instead of the prime minister or whatever. I honestly don’t care what happens just so long as I’m not held responsible.

If voting is what makes a country what it is, then I’d rather not have a country. That is why it’s confusing that there are no more monarchs with actual power. I mean, being a figurehead is sweet, but what’s the point in sounding powerful if all you do is shake hands with *belch* politicians? But seriously, acting like a ruler but having few responsibilities sounds like ten thousand dreams come true. I mean, look up the queen’s net worth!

Back to politics, I honestly don’t want an opinion. If I had an opinion, people would tell me I’m wrong. I, of course, would tell them to stuff it. But that’s too much trouble than it’s worth. I would much rather pay somebody to vote for me. I don’t know if thats legal or not, and I’m certainly not looking at books full of laws written by, *barfs in mouth*, politicians. If I ever go to the capital, I will just look at the war memorials and try not to think about all the *chokes on word* politicians being political. I hope they are telling the truth and that they actually know what they are doing. Unfortunatley, they might have just about as much knowledge on how to run a country as the people of the opposite and equally incompetent political party who complain about them do.

But I digress, I am, after all, a thirteen year old Ohio boy writing an article during summer vacation. That is all I have. With all due respect, Regan Miller