Of course it’s a tired old joke, why did the chicken cross the road? But 2018 has ushered in a twist to this joke which goes like this: “I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.”
Did you find the chicken joke moderately funny or sad? Perhaps you found it to be both funny and painfully indicative of present times. It seems every segment of our population eventually bans together in rebellion, so why not chickens too! And there’s the scary thought, what if poultry staged a protest on Versailles’ famed Poultry Days Festival? Not just chickens, but all domestic fowl, such as turkeys, ducks and geese. It could be the 21st century remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s thriller “The Birds.”
Our movie would begin in a laboratory studying the DNA of a chicken, discovering genuine facts such as the chicken is the closest living relative to tyrannosaurs-rex, that chickens make sounds that have actual meaning; giving different alarm calls when they are threatened by different predators. These movie scientists also discovered chickens are very social animals that protect their families and mourn the loss of a loved one and that chickens have pain receptors that give them the ability to feel pain and distress. Further testing revealed that those with an attitude stopped laying eggs and start crowing like roosters.
Then one misguided philanthropic scientist stumbles upon the staggering statistic that 50 billion chickens are produced and killed worldwide for consumption of which 5 billion lay eggs for one year until they become food. This scientist is enraged by the stats and fueled by the knowledge that chickens outnumber humans thus the plot (not pot) thickens. He produces a superior bird, by radiating its hormone cocktail, thus increasing its bird brain to an extraordinary degree of intelligence, as well as its strength to Herculean proportion.
But just as the world is threatened by the UPR (United Poultry Resistance) the Grand Cluck humbles itself through a peaceful protest for humane treatment in the raising and slaughtering of its race. It concedes that the chicken’s purpose is to serve humankind but asks that humankind not take their sacrifice for granted.
Sorry if you think this is a really weird column, but after discovering all the facts about chickens it was, for me, a natural progression. This has been a veiled attempt to remind everyone to be creative, imaginative, keep laughing, never take life too seriously and just to be on the safe side say grace before enjoying a chicken dinner this weekend.
Poultry Days festivities are this weekend with chicken dinners from 3-11 p.m. Friday, 11:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m. Saturday and 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Sunday. Someone is expected to purchase the 1 millionth chicken dinner and will be rewarded with a trip voucher to Las Vegas. The parade begins at 11 a.m. Saturday. The antique car parade begins at 2:30 p.m. on Sunday. More information can be found online at versaillespoultrydays.com.
Beginning Monday-Friday (June 11-15) Webster United Methodist will be hosting a (free) morning Vacation Bible School from 9-11:30 a.m. at the Church. The theme is “Rolling River Rampage!” and Emily (Rhoades) Clark is the VBS Director.
Congratulations to Versailles Track Athletes who competed at the State Level in Division II: Joe Spitzer took first in the 3,200 meter run, Lucy Prakel placed third in the pole vault, the 4×400 relay team of Liz Watren, Ellen Peters, Lindsey Winner and Kenia McEldowney finished third, Josh Steinbrunner placed fourth in the 110 meter hurdles, A.J. Ahrens took sixth place in the shot put, the 4×200 relay team of Cassie Peters, Liz Watren, Ellen Peters and Ava Moran placed sixth, the 4×100 relay team of Lucy Prakel, Ellen Peters, Ali Moran and Ava Moran took eighth place, Kenia McEldowney finished 12th in the 800 meter run, and Kyle Jones finished 15th in the long jump. Also competing at State was Luke Shellhaas, who will continue to pole vault at Ohio Northern University next year.
Happy birthday wishes to Mary Grisez, Elizabeth (Wilson) Smith, Kelsey Crandall, Paul Shimp, Mike Rhoades, Betty McKenna, Ernie DeMange, Betty Davis, Tammy Poling, Dani Cochran Ring, Connie Schrader, Rue Bowman, Bonnie Subler, Pam Spitzer, Naomi Gallagher, Nancy Broering, Rosie Baltes, Sharon Wampler, Bonita Swallow, Rachel Glass, Summer Condon, Jane Meier, Ron Mescher, Fred Banks, Carley Timmerman, Shellie Lewis, Robin Seubert, Matthew Fisher, Tony Streib, Vicki Cost, Angie Zimmerman, Pete Fullenkamp, Beth Simons, Marjorie Bruey, Angie Barlage and Sheila Voisard as their birthdays approach.
Anniversary wishes to Kelsey and Storm Davis (4), Kate and Byron Vulgamore (4), Janelle and Keith Koverman (6), Mallory and Daniel Tinch (7), Hillary and Scott Holzapfel (8), Angela and Ryan Bergman (14), Sandy and Aaron Bergman (15), Erin & Matt Rismiller (18), Sue Ann and Charlie Hartzell (24), Beth and Andrew Smith(26), Michelle and Larry Reed (28), Sandy and Gary Pierron (31), Brenda and Mark Reitz (31), Hazel and Michael Franklin (37), Loretta and Viro Rosenbeck (43), Pat and Bud Wright (45), Sharon and Keith Fourman (49), Margaret and Bob Hartzell (53), Mary Jo and Bob Nixon (54), Barb and Marvin Goubeaux (68) and Poultry Days (67).
Please give your supportive and healing prayers for the many who are dealing with any of life’s countless challenges, and especially for Shirley Tapp, Susie Fields, Connie Schmitmeyer, Becca Pohl Liette, Carl Meyer, Carolyn Combs, Dean Kreitzer, Lois Kindell, Anne Schmitz (shoulder surgery), Ralph Kunk, Elaine Brown, Jim Kelch, Mr. Kuhbander, Karen Hilgefort, Tracey Sowards, Hazel Nickol, Scarlet Unrast, Tami Russell, Jenni Meyer, Donna Apple, Marcia Davidson, Alice Luthman, Michelle Sherman, John and Miriam Harman, Dave Magoto, Patricia Borchers, Bob Miller, Iona Gariety, Loretta Bey, Steve Bey, Aiden Myers, Margaret Hoehne, Betty Brown, Lisa Zumberger, Lois Knapke, Claire Owens, Angie Keiser, Jerry Paulus, Janice Berger, Janet Folkerth, Beverly Brown, Cyril Frantz, Jack Borgerding, Alvira Marchal, Earl Gigandet, Pooch Barga, Chris Apple, Ruth Wirrig, Wilma Heiby, Linda Wilson, Carl DeMange, Mary Seman, Marge Prakel, Mary Batty, Norma Magoto, Betty Kremer, Denny Grilliot, Virginia Smith, Anabelle Subler, Lois Youngker, Barb Goubeaux, Eileen Rahm, Samantha Smith and those not mentioned by name who are recuperating, hospitalized, homebound and/or in need of our prayers.
Please extend your heartfelt sympathy to the families and friends of Jerry Randall Nicks, Jr. (45), Billy Hankins (80), Barbara Curtis (81) and Lucille Kramer (96). Also let us remember the lives of Steven Dakin, Robert Thieman, Norma Puthoff, Felix “Junior” Simmons, and Betty Hess, James Boeckman, Matthew Swallow, Lucille “Tillie” Virden, Leon Schultz, Dennis Berger, Albert Grieshop, Richard Weiss, Marlene Zumberger, Ed Yohey, Fr. Leonard Kistler, Urban Buschur, Bede Monnin, Richard Subler, Rita Bertke, Edna Martin, Larry Alexander, Bill Heft and all those not mentioned by name, but forever kept within our hearts, as the anniversary of their passing nears.
“Chickens: The pet that poops breakfast food.”
“Wicked chickens lay deviled eggs.”
“Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? … because if it had four, it’d be a sedan!”
Kathy Magoto is a volunteer citizen columnist, who serves The Daily Advocate readers weekly with her Friday Versailles community column. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or at 526-3798. Feel free to contact her with Versailles news and tidbits. Viewpoints expressed in the article are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.