For your amusement:
1. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
2. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
3. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “where’s the self-help section?” she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
4. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
5. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
6. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
7. Is there another word for synonym?
8. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
9. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
10. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
11. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
12. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will break in and clean them?
13. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
14. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
15. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
16. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
17. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
18. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
19. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
20. How is it possible to have a civil war?
21. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
22. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
23. Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?
24. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
25. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
26. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Thursday: Open to the Public Bid Euchre Tournament at the Versailles Vets Club beginning at 7 p;m. There is a $5 entry fee. Questions can be directed to Ralph or Diane Kunk at 526-3358.
Karaoke: Saturday at the Keyhole in Newport, and Dec. 2 and 3 at the Vets Club.
Christmas open houses: The House of Flowers in Versailles will hold its open house on Dec. 2 from noon – 5 p.m. There will be a Christmas drawing, refreshments and 10-minute chair massages for customers.
The Versailles Museum is decorated for Christmas with a collection of antique bicycles and collection of M&M memorabilia on display every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. until Dec. 18. Council of Churches’ Breakfast with Santa will be from 8:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. at the K of C Hall on Dec. 4.
Birthday wishes to Alma Kissinger (97), Mishaylee O’Reilly, Carrie (Rhoades) Cusick, Nicole (Brown) Lyme, Tim Wagner, Mike Hoying, Judy Criswell, Doris Goettemoeller, Karen Shardo, Kristy Earick, Penny Treon, Karon Cromwell, Kara Knapke, Nickie Meyer, Jeremy Litton, Angie Moran, Jerry Pequignot, Betty McKenna, Julia Kremer, Randy Garrison, Landen Knapke, Marilyn Pohlman, Andrea Schmitmeyer, Donna Tebbe, Dorothy Gariety, Patty Barga, Diane Magoto, Dottie Platt, Kris Hart and David Barger as their birthdays approach. Wedding wishes to Andrea and Kyle Francis and anniversary wishes to Jamie and Ben Dues (13), Lisa and Brian Winner, Cindy and AJ Bey, Becky and Jerry Chrisman (34), Dee and Brian Monnin (35), Julie and David Heuing (36), Sharon and Paul Monnin (43), and Bill and Arabella Krites (67).
Please give your supportive and healing prayers for the many who are dealing with any of life’s countless challenges, and especially for Joan Magoto, Jeanne Brandon, Squirt Marshal, Ruth Haft, Rosie Pearson, Virginia Smith, John Subler, Cheryl Huelskamp, Sally Monnin, Sondra Spangler, Kathy (Platfoot) Wespiser, Angie Keiser, Mary Barga, Zane Francis, Theresa Turner, Al Bliss, Regina Fischer, Wilma Didier, Anabelle Subler, Steve Grilliot, Lavern Brunswick, Jeanette Simons, Julia Billenstein, Merilyn Borchers, Lewis Didier, Alan Stammen, Cameron Magoto, Lewis May, Connie (Baltes) Lechleiter, Levadia Barga, Jack Borgerding, Dan Monnin, Linda Wilson, Lois Youngker, Sam Yagle, Barb Goubeaux, David Zumberger, Brian Voisard, Cyril Frantz, Michelle Ullom, John Davis, Eileen Rahm, Cyril Voisard, Barb Agne, Samantha Smith, and all those not mentioned by name who are ill, suffering, hospitalized or home-bound.
Heartfelt sympathy to the family and friends of Donna Bridenbaugh (70), Mary Martin Pullins (83), Orval Schwieterman (87), also remembering the lives of Shirley Seger, Delores Vian, Marjorie Rethman, Wilma Dues, Ron Mowry, David Oliver, June Varvel, Bob Dieringer, Roger Heitkamp, Don Voisard, Alverda Bohman, Larry Hoffman, Rita Gerling, Lois Ann Grilliot, Tom Rindler, Cecilia Borchers, Bud Schieltz, Robert Bulcher, Scott Winner, Larry Nance, Keith Davis, Carl Kunk, Norma Bulcher, Mike Dapore and all those not mentioned by name as the anniversary of their recently passing nears.
“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them instead.” ~Unknown
“Trivial things are a matter of opinion.” ~C. Edwards
“Laugh and bring out your inner child.” ~C. Edwards
Kathy Magoto is a volunteer citizen columnist, who serves The Daily Advocate readers weekly with her weekly Versailles community column. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or at 526-3798. Feel free to contact her with Versailles news and tidbits. Viewpoints expressed in the article are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.