Versailles News: PUNS for humor


By Kathy Magoto - Versailles News



A pun is a form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of a term, or of similar-sounding words, for a humorous or rhetorical effect. This type of humor requires wit and understanding of the diversity in our language. Often puns will cause us to roll our eyes or shake our head while we chuckle a bit or as my English teach would say…“Two thirds of a pun… PU!” With that preface I courageously present the following in an effort to light your day.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in a nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Do you know what the Thesaurus had for Breakfast? … … . “Synonym Buns”

UPCOMING EVENTS:

The Versailles Community Meal is held from 5 – 6 p.m. every Thursday in the Trinity Lutheran Church basement.

Saturday, January 13, the Goat Farmers is holding a Fish Fry from 5 – 8 p.m., benefitting the Darke Co. Right to Life. Drive thru carry-out will also be available.

Sunday, January 14, the St. Denis K of C has a Pork loin dinner available from 11 a.m. – 1 p.m. at the hall on State Route 47 from 11 a.m. – 1 p.m. Please call ahead (419-336-5405) for tickets. The K of C is also sponsoring a Free Throw Contest Sunday evening beginning at 5 p.m. in the Versailles Elementary Gym for boys and girls ages 9-14. Winners advance to the district contest.

There is an upcoming Blood Drive, Monday, January 15 from 12:30 – 6:30 p.m. at the Versailles K of C Hall. You may schedule an appointment online at www.DonorTime.com or call 1-800-388-GIVE.

Birthday wishes to Helen Witt (95), Sharon Groff, Tena Black, Tami Thomas, Josh Myers, Carolyn Shrader, Vera Bernice Plieman, Pam Coffield, Frank Fullenkamp, Arlene Luttmer, Jill Marie Mann, Margie Treon, Jennifer Overholser, Amanda Patterson, Marge Prakel, Thatcher Collins, Tom Buxton, Cassidy Riegle, Eric Schultz, James McClure, Donna Akins, Samuel Busse, Kitty Davis, Katey Wendel, Anna Cruz, Jackie Bruns, Brittany Kemper, Michelle Cohee, Brenda Goubeaux, Paige Partin, Tena Black, Ryan Yakos, Jean Watercutter, Katie Mescher, Chad Monnin, Denise Heitkamp, Amanda Swallow, Joyce Rider, Joe Jessup, Shelley Cohee, Bob Epperly, Diann Kopilec, Carolyn Wilcox, Kelli Henry, Diane Delaplane, Candi Etter, Rhonda Elifritz-Rix, Tyler Ward, Doris Gessler, and Vickie Mestemaker as their birthdays approach. Anniversary wishes to Anniversary wishes to Janice and Kris Jasinski (27), Sonja and Barney Francis (27), Cindy and Dave Shadoan (35), and Nancy and Dan Streib (55).

Please give your supportive and healing prayers for the many who are dealing with any of life’s countless challenges, and especially for Jerry Paulus, Taylor Stover, Janice Berger, Pickles Gehret (knee), Diane Swallow (knee), Bruce Stall (back), Janet Folkerth, Beverly Brown, Cyril Frantz, Denny Subler, Tom Barga, Wanda Romie, Terry Buteau, Jack Borgerding, Tyler DeMange, Kim Smith, David Nixon, Esther Eiting, Alvira Marchal, Ed Bulcher, Jane Huber, Aiden Meyer, Sylvester Meyer, Earl Gigandet, Madison Berger, Tony Gehret, Martha Treon, Jim and Pooch Barga, Chris Apple, Ruth Wirrig, Wilma Heiby, Carl DeMange, Miriam and John Harman, Jack Monnin, Mary Seman, Marge Prakel, Arthur and Evelyn Curtis, Mary Batty, Norma Magoto, Betty Kremer, Denny Grilliot, Virginia Smith, John Subler, Anabelle Subler, Lois Youngker, Barb Goubeaux, Eileen Rahm, Cyril Voisard, Samantha Smith and those not mentioned by name who are recuperating, hospitalized, homebound and/or in need of our prayers.

Heartfelt sympathy to the family and friends of Ken McCoy, Connie (Baltes) Lechleiter (65), William Berger (74), Ronald Stucke (75), Eileen Hess (86), Jeanette Giere (87) and also remembering the lives of Sawyer Jayne Shardo, Jeremy Mathus, Art Francis, Douglas Erisman, James Maurer, Armella Mangen, Donna Kuykendall, Philip Ridenour, Eva Hollingsworth, Lawrence Simons, Ron Dwenger, Bill Leach, Ernie Hemmelgarn, Rita Gaier, Ron Meier, Esther Hopkins, Donna Petitjean, Rhomane and Rosemary Bulcher, Alfred Eilerman, Elvin Hollinger, Doc Sanders, Dan Waymire, Elfrieda Borchers, Mary Lou Monnin, Jean Leeper, Darrell Francis and all who are in our hearts but not mentioned by name as the anniversary of their passing nears.

“People with a sense of humor have a better sense of life.” ~Unknown

“Every survival kit should contain a sense of humor” ~Unknown

“A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.” ~Unknown

https://www.dailyadvocate.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/34/2018/01/web1_KathyMagatoPRINT-1.jpg

By Kathy Magoto

Versailles News

Kathy Magoto is a volunteer citizen columnist, who serves The Daily Advocate readers weekly with her weekly Versailles community column. She can be reached at magmon1@embarqmail.com or at 526-3798. Feel free to contact her with Versailles news and tidbits. Viewpoints expressed in the article are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.

Kathy Magoto is a volunteer citizen columnist, who serves The Daily Advocate readers weekly with her weekly Versailles community column. She can be reached at magmon1@embarqmail.com or at 526-3798. Feel free to contact her with Versailles news and tidbits. Viewpoints expressed in the article are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.

RECOMMENDED FOR YOU