Versailles News: Christian humor released


I was fortunate enough to watch the dress rehearsal of “Nunsense” performed by the Towne & Country Players this week. The show is a delightfully humorous talent show staged by five surviving nuns from the Little Sisters of Hoboken nunnery. The nuns are putting on a fundraising variety show to bury the last four of their dearly departed sisters.

Consequently, it got me in the mood to share some “spirited” Christian one-liners:

Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

It is easier to preach 10 sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.

People are funny; they want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.

If a church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

We’re called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

God Himself doesn’t propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete—thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one they stay home from?

Be ye fishers of men. You catch ‘em – He’ll clean ‘em.

Stop, Drop, and Roll won’t work in hell.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.

Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers ‘fruits of the spirit’ over ‘religious nuts!’

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!

Don’t give God instructions, just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The will of God never takes you to where the grace of God will not protect you.

We don’t change the message, the message changes us.

BIBLE: Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers!

Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a ruler.

Christ’s return is near…don’t miss it for the world.

The Bread of Life never gets stale.

Knowledge puffs you up – love lifts you up.

Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Christians aren’t perfect– Just forgiven.

The best mathematical equation ever: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

Upcoming events:

“Nunsense” performed by the Towne & Country Players continues tonight at 7:30 and Sunday at 2 p.m. Tickets are available by calling 937/689-6111 or at the door of the Versailles Performing Arts Center, behind the school.

Also mark your calendar for the beginning of the free T&CP Fountain Square Entertainment Series July 1 from 7-9 p.m. —“Sauerkraut German Band,” with beverages for purchase from Moeller Brew Barn and Michael Anthony.

Happy birthday to Bryce Paulus (1), Lilly Subler (2), Grady Rhoades (4), Gabby Subler (4), Noah Rhoades (6), Addison Fine (8), Kelly Luthman, Jana Reed, Wendy (Siders) Vore, Jacquie (Nixon) Hazelwood, Ella Porter, Nick Timmerman, Ed Porter, Jeremy Lear, Kasey Christian, Coleen (Yagel) Franz, Chris (Yagel) Huber, Blaine Hawkey, Larry Brown, Becky Klipstine, Jenni Treon, Colleen Grillot, Barb Kissinger, Angie DeMange, Jenny Feltz, Diana DeMange, Russell Jay, Tim Bornhorst, Toni Riegel, Chad Peyton, Chris Huber, Donna Francis, Kasey Christian, Richard Coffield, Gary Poor, Jeannie Groesch, Jim Luthman, Sharon Deschambeau and Eric Miller as their birthdays approach. Anniversary wishes to Christi and Matt Rhoades (4), Ashlee and Dustin Lewis (9), Tracy and Chris Timmerman (9), Sherree and Ron Kremer (13), Marianne and Shawn Unger (16), Suzy and Brad Grilliot (16), Sundra and Jerry Bey (21), Lori and Dan Lawrence (23), Elaine and Steve Peck (23), Helen and Marshall Gard (26), Dawn and Tom Petitjean (27), Kathy and Ralph Gehret (33), Marlene and Steve Schlater (39), Chris and Bill Beasley (39), Becky and John Klipstine (48).

Please give your supportive and healing prayers for the many who are dealing with any of life’s countless challenges, and especially for Georgie Kemper (double hip surgery), Diane Magoto (broken ankle), Jeff Barrett, Jerry Malloy, Jack Borgerding, Jerry Paulus, Dave Flatter (hernia surgery), Bev Holsapple, Norma Raterman, Rita Glick, Noah Evans, Lois and Jim Youngker (hospice care), Linda Wilson, Adam Schwieterman, Kevin McCoy, Judy York, Delores Williams, Sam Yagle, Lexi Fliehman, Jan Turner, Barb Goubeaux, David Zumberger, Brian Voisard, Cyril Frantz, Dan Monnin, Michelle Ullom, John Davis (dialysis), Eileen Rahm, Cyril Voisard, Wayne Pittsenbarger, Barb and Jon Agne, Samantha Smith, Bob Homan and all those who are sick, suffering, hospitalized or homebound.

Sincere sympathy to the family and friends of Brenda Schemmel (54), Miriam Slonkosky (85) Luella McGowan (92), also remembering the lives of Sister Carmelita (Monnin), Gene Brown, Mary Ellen Pearce, Judy Seger, JD Weaver, Kim Neal, Brandon Burnside, Joe Henry, Barbara Miller, John Floyd, Carly Garner, Shirley Poeppelman, Tony Arnold, Jim Raterman, Sarah Magoto (my mother), Paul Gariety, Richard Fisher, Carl Subler, John Stahl, Wayne Groff, Beatrice Barga, Joan Blakeley, Eileen Bigham, Agnes Barton, Phil Kindell, Irene Henry, Bud Heuing, Betty Marchal, Dale Barga, Ed Simon and all those not mentioned by name as the anniversary of their recently passing.

“Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up”

“You have not begun to live until you’ve prepared to die.”

“Sleep in peace tonight God is bigger than anything you will face tomorrow.”

By Kathy Magoto

Kathy Magoto is a volunteer citizen columnist, who serves The Daily Advocate readers weekly with her weekly Versailles community column. She can be reached at [email protected] or at 526-3798. Feel free to contact her with Versailles news and tidbits. Viewpoints expressed in the article are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.

No posts to display